I'm sorry

I have always missed her. It just came to me that I really miss her. And I wish I could do something about this tremendous regret every time I get seized with thoughts of her. I wanted to tell her how much I miss her...that I wish I did things differently... that...

"Ma, I'm very sorry. I could have been a better daughter..."

TOO OLD

“Do I have to spell your IQ out for you? It is inversely comparative to that patient’s temperature!” She snapped at the shocked nurse, slamming the chart on the station counter.

I got a fleeting glimpse of her face before she stormed out of the station: it was sincerely enraged. I paused from my writing, perplexed. Rissa, the staff nurse was looking very upset. She was a graduating student nurse when I started my residency training. Not very dedicated to her ward responsibilities in her student days, she bungles the simplest of tasks now that she is a full-pledge R.N.. But that was not what really bothered me. It was Elise, my co-resident.

“What’s coming over Dr. Alfonso? She’s not herself lately. She used to be very nice and considerate.” E.G., the head nurse wondered. “That doesn’t mean I’m taking your side, Rissa. You should pay more attention to details like that. I’ve been getting a lot of complaints regarding your performance.” she told the crestfallen girl. “what do you think, Alex? Is Elise going through a difficult time?” she asked me, her smooth forehead furrowed in genuine concern.

“I don’t know, E.G., I haven’t had a serious talk with her for quite awhile. We’re both very busy.” E.G. is one of those sympathetic confidantes you can pour your heart out to. But I was not willing to talk about Elise with so many people around.

“Elise is behaving oddly. She doesn’t talk and smile that much anymore. Well, she could be sarcastic and honestly indignant sometimes but she always takes them back with a smile or a vignette. That’s why she’s my favorite doctor, until you came.” Trust E.G. to flatter my tortured spirit.


“Aw, E.G., I bet you say that to every gorgeous resident you meet.” I teased.

The head nurse merely shot me an indulgent smile. If you’re looking for some pampering, E.G. is the one to rely on. At first glance, you would be taken in by her outstanding presence. Gradually, one will discover that it goes beyond the skin. She is not only very efficient but compassionate and nurturing. Male doctors who inadvertently hit on her would belatedly learn E.G. is a force to be reckoned with. She does not suffer fools.

“Perhaps Dr. Alfonso had a fight with her boyfriend?” another nurse suggested.

“Could be.”

I listened to the nurses’ speculations on Elise’s puzzling behavior. Her outburst at the station was out of proportion to the degree of the nurse’s error. It was not like her, too. She’s known to be very kind and cool-headed among residents. I came only second to her as the most favorite among nurses (by heresy). Every year, the nursing service has this awards night for its staff including residents. R.N.s would cast their votes on preferred nominees for a particular category.

Elise got her Most Favorite Resident award two years in a row. Not that they gave me a Second Most Favorite Resident award. I was informed Elise beat me by three votes. It was most fortunate that I lost the nomination or I’d have nurses forming a picket line demanding a re-count of the ballot. I’m such a parous canine nobody would have believed I’d won it. Worst, they would think I was rich enough to bribe the awards committee.

Elise and I are close. We chat, eat out, watch a movie whenever we can spare some time together. Generous, good-natured and insightful, she is always mindful about other people’s feelings. From the janitors to the hospital administrators, Elise’s approach is virtually the same: she treats everyone with respect.

She’s good at her job, too. When she was still on her first year, she got better than most of her co-residents that consultants readily relied on her judgment rather than on some of her seniors. That aroused controversy but even the smarting ones could not hold it out without shaming themselves. She has this manner of promoting herself as an advocate rather than a competitor that to begrudge her is a mortal sin. The most peculiar thing is- she is every bit sincere about it. Like me, she believes that dog meat is not worth the calories. It does not taste half as good. Nevertheless, she does not hesitate to assume the parous canine form when the need arises.

Elise’s foul mood and fits of uncharacteristic outbursts were surprising everyone. She had transformed so suddenly and so drastically that those who noticed were baffled. I just noted these changes in passing and comments from other people who were likewise concerned. Since we don’t work in the same department, I promised myself to look into the matter as soon as possible. It was days later when I found the right moment. She was at the records section, completing chart deficiencies.

I sat across her.

“Hey, are you okay?” I asked her.

She looked up and nodded. She focused back on her chart again without saying anything. This was so unlike her. She’d have struck up an animated conversation with me in no time.

“You don’t seem to be in your best mood these days. PMS?” I tried again.

She shook her head and went on scribbling her signature on v.o.’s and t.o.’s.

“Perhaps you’d like to heave some of it out of your chest and put some over my deficient ones.” I half-kidded.

She stopped and smiled a little but still with head bent. She continued on with her task.

“Seriously, Elise, is everything okay? You want to talk about it?”

“I’m fine, Alex. Don’t worry about it.” She murmured without looking at me.

“Elise, I know there’s something bothering you. You’re not at your peak lately. And it’s not only me who noticed.”

She raised her head to look at me and sighed. “Yeah, I’m a little stressed but I’ll get over it. Thanks for your concern.”

“Perhaps it would help to talk about it? No details if it’s too personal.” I assured her.

“Trust is never an issue between us, Alex, you know that. But this is not worth wasting your time over. It’s too shallow and nonsensical.”

“Try me.”

She breathed another sigh. “I’ll tell you about it some other time. It’s not the right place and I have to finish these charts.”

“How about later? I’m off after this and if you’re free we can go somewhere quiet where we can talk. How about that?”

I finally got around to convince her. She wanted to have a walk on the beach. We drove over to the bayside and strolled along the shoreline.

“Alex, I’m losing it.” She confessed. “I am consumed with this intense anger, I can’t make sense out of anything anymore.”

“Why? What happened?” I asked.

“It happened to a lot of people but I don’t know if they felt as devastated and betrayed as I am. Perhaps I’m making a big deal out of it.” She shook her head.

“If it affected you so greatly then it must be something serious and not to be taken lightly.” I told her.

“I’m twenty-eight years old and I ought to stop feeling childish but I can’t help it.” She cast me a distressed glance.

“what made you think so?” I asked her.

“Because only children are entitled to this kind of resentment that goes out of proportion and affect their whole lives. If this happened to an adult, she would not wallow in extreme despair. She’d be mature enough to tackle this sensibly.”

“There’s no rule on limiting one’s feelings to a certain age. We are entitled to feel hurt, anger, sadness anytime we want.” I said.

“But mine is different. I’m too old and too smart for this but I feel so dumb because I can’t stop it.” she suddenly burst into tears. “I’m really overdoing this!” she stopped, hands on her hips, tilting her face up into the dusky sky as though it would help her tears retreat back into her lacrimal sac.

“It’s okay, Elise.” I assured her.

After awhile, she bent her head down and begun walking again. I fell in step.

“You know why I moved into the doctors’ apartment? Because I don’t want to go home.” Her voice wavered.

‘Why so?”

“Because I don’t have one anymore.” She was crying again.

“I’m sorry.” Was all I could say.

“You know what screwed me up so bad? Was that my father could do it with my mother’s sister whom he used to despise so much because she is a slut. That was his term ‘slut’. And now he’s tailing after the slut like an animal on pheromones.”

A father who decided to be unfaithful in his sixties with the woman he used to loathe so openly. It was eating her up all this time. Elise’s mother had been chronically ill for several years which consequently compromised the marital relationship. Elise understood her father had his needs to cater to but to slake it with her aunt!

“If he weren’t so scornful and critical about other people who committed adultery, I’d be more forgiving. He used to rant about them like a madman. You should see him in his self-righteous days. He would insult my aunt and call her a nympho. He was like obsessed with the idea. I used to defend my aunt and we would have fights because of her. Everyone in the family treated her like crap including her children. Except me. I treated her like a human being because I believed only God had the right to judge everyone. But I don’t feel that way anymore. For all my father’s big talk, he’s eating his own vomit now . It makes me so sick! I hate him so much, I can never forgive him!” Elise shook her head angrily.

I did not know what to say.

“I’m overwrought, right? I shouldn’t feel so upset. But I am and I hate myself!”

“It’s perfectly all right to feel angry.”

“But I’m not a kid anymore. I should be more mature, more in control but I’m not! This has been bugging me for some time, I can’t stop thinking how he betrayed my mother, his family.” She sobbed again.

Elise insisted she had no right to feel so devastated; she was no longer a child. She said broken families happened to a lot of people. They recovered and moved on with their lives. She felt she was not handling it very well and did not think she could move on fast enough. It is affecting her relationships, her work, and her life.

“This is not just about adultery. This is about losing my last stronghold: my family. I had always believed in the security of my family. I used to bask in pleasant feelings of how lucky I was that my parents have reached this stage in their marriage. I was wrong. Perhaps I’d been too complacent.” She sobbed so wrenchingly, a tear slid down my cheek.

There was intensely compelling about a woman you have always known to be so strong, so self-contained, crumbling before your eyes. She was weeping like a little girl, I could not get over it.

Later that night, I mulled over Elise and others like her who drew their inner strength from people they trust and love. With a single act of treachery, what is perceived as a fortified whole could collapse into a heap of unidentifiable shards. Whether these shards could be whole again, it is not certain. Or if time would allow it, that remains to be seen.

I wondered how many people out there are breaking their hearts a million times over, reliving a loved one’s betrayal. I was thinking how old should one be before she/he stops being childish and start handling pain sensibly. 15? 30? 60?

THE GREAT FRIENDSHIP DILEMMA

The other night, I was burning the lines with my best friend who lives in another city. She just broke off with her boyfriend and was needing a sympathetic ear to share her woes. As customary, we laughed every now and then. Let’s say humor is a salient part of our friendship that we may be contemplating suicide but we could always afford to laugh a real kind of laugh.

“Grey, I missed two periods.” Raine suddenly said. “I’m worried. I’ve always been regular.”

“You were not using any contraceptives?” I asked her.

“Well, sometimes. But those things just occurred spontaneously.” She said it a little too sheepishly.
“Oh, and you were too horny to remember protecting yourself. It’s like you’re a big fan of lesbian sex!” I was a little sarcastic.

“I know, I know, I’m such a stupid loser!” She wailed.

“Let’s not expound on that. So when was the first day of your last menstruation? Your last sex with the AH?

“I had my last period on the 23rd of April and my last sex with him was a week ago.”

After gathering sufficient information of her sexual practices, frequency and monthly menses, her recent well-being like if she had morning or late afternoon sickness, peculiar cravings for a certain food, bodily changes, etc. it was difficult to ascertain if her listlessness was due to early symptom of pregnancy since she just recovered from a viral infection. I told her I could not say she was one hundred percent toast but the odds were somewhat against her.

“What about a test kit? You could get it over the counter.” I suggested.

“I’m scared what I’ll find out.”

“Please!” I moaned.

“I know, I know, you could always count on your best friend when it comes to stupidity.” She whimpered.

“Don’t put words into my mouth. Get that kit and check if it’s positive.”

“Grey, what will I do if it’s positive? I can’t go through with this if it happens to be positive.” She wailed again.

“You’re not sure yet.”

“What if it is? Jamie is starting kindergarten, my brother is in college, my father needs his heart medications and my mom will kill me! It will be too much for everyone. What will people think? That I’m a baby factory? I can’t walk around with this!”

I listened to Raine, bemused. It was not hard to understand what she was getting at. She wanted an abortion. I was inwardly perturbed. Except for a couple of friends who had abortions while I was still in college, I did not have another brush with the issue directly involving somebody close to me until Raine.

Unless it is a matter of life and death, abortion is not considered legal in my place. Even if it is legal and without medical/genetic indication, I just found out during my talk with Raine I do not personally condone abortion. Where before my stand was more of a noncommittal bystander, now I am more definite: I do not advocate abortion. However, if one should decide to do it, I am not the one to point a finger at her. It is just a personal opinion and not a global crusade.

I do not believe that one mistake should be followed by a far more serious mistake. Every unborn baby should have a chance to be brought into the world. If difficult questions should arise whether it would be less evil to raise unwanted children or voluntarily suppressing a growing life inside one’s own it is beyond me to say.

But do we have the right to take another life? What are the odds of an unprecedented pregnancy? Why does one have to participate in unprotected sex knowing of the risks involve? Is it just plain carelessness? Should lives be sacrificed just because one badly needed a lay and could not care less if she is protected or not? I am not a prudent person. It is beyond me to supply the proper answers. And yet, in everything we do we must be mindful of the risks we indulge in. We must not involve innocent souls.

It isn’t like Raine is a helpless teen-ager. She is a smart, thirty-year-old woman working as a consultant in a large corporation. We have been best friends for seventeen years and this sticky situation she was in was just one of too many dubious decision-makings when it comes to relationships. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t judge Raine. I love and accept her no matter who and what she is the same way she loves and accepts me for who and what I am. It is just, she is the worst judge of character when it comes to men.

Raine felt she had too much to lose if she would get on with the pregnancy. She has a five-year-old son from a past oversight (we had a 3-year silence in our friendship because I was too blunt with my views on messing with married men and I was too busy with medical school to do something about it); she has a high-paying job which would be compromised with a pregnancy. Other than that her whole family depends on her: rent, food, college tuition, medications, etc. it is wholly understandable why Raine was dreading the possibility of a pregnancy and would not hesitate terminating it. She has the world on her shoulder.

I am the type of person who does not hesitate to speak her own mind and stand up to what she believes in but I’m never the one to push. I don’t insist on my beliefs and opinions to anybody even if she’s my best friend. I believe that everyone is entitled to make up her own mind and knowing Raine, even if I try to influence her through hypnosis, she would never be swayed once she sets her mind onto something or someone. Aren’t we all guilty of that?

“Grey, what should I do?”

“Do what you think is best for you.” I told her.

“So it’s okay with you?”

“As though my opinion matters! Raine, you’re old enough to decide on your own. You know me too well to insist on my say on the issue as well as I know you well enough to believe you would ever consider a single thing I say to you.”

“Am I really that pigheaded? You’re right. You know I really have no choice. So, you’re going to prescribe the medications to take care of this?”

“No. I can’t help you with that. I won’t even advise it either. It’s not safe. You have to go to a gynecologist who will be willing to do D&C on you. Remember it’s illegal and the willing ones are either literally butchers or doctors who go for shady deals but at least you’ll be safe.” I felt unreal telling her that.

Raine asked me if I knew a doctor who would be willing to perform abortion. I told her I didn’t really know any doctor who would want to do that. She said she knew somebody who had several abortions without complications. She would see her and ask for referral. I told her to be careful.

“Grey, please pray for me.” She begged.

“Yeah, I’ll pray for you.” I felt quaint talking about abortion and praying about it. I was reminded of watching a secret lover piously leading church programs on the pulpit while exchanging unholy glances with me across the church pews. It felt strange.

After I hung up the phone, I suddenly felt drained. I am never the strait-laced, conventional moralist. In fact I am generally what anybody would call a non-conformist. Yet, I did not understand but I really felt I was making a very terrible mistake. I realized I should have spoken what I felt about the issue. Even persuade her just for once. I could not help wondering if I had been more insistent and assertive with her in the past would have I shielded her from serious consequences?

Inside my room, I did a most peculiar thing. I got down on my knees.

GOD-WANNA-BE 101: The Phantom Experience

Medical School. The holiest place on Earth next to the Vatican. Where everyone learns the art of playing God. Not that God-wanna-be 101 was listed on the official curriculum. In fact every medical student’s conscious aim is to help humanity. They never wished to be God. That would be blasphemy.

However, something just snaps along the way. As the medical student goes higher on the knowledge ladder, he acquires a sense of supremacy. In some creepy way, the medical student is convinced he is entitled to these feelings of expansiveness. He knows he is mastering the human body, its intricate functions and complex structures. He is aware that in the near future he will play a crucial role in people’s lives. The literal life as in breathing and existing. And who is the prime giver of life?

Yes, it is God who gives life. Everyone knows that. But who helps keep it?

In medical school, one gets acquainted of the backside’s intended purpose, which is not to enucleate lecherous eyes or use as symbol to cast aspersions on the donkey. It is called glutei, a group of muscles specially designed by the Creator to cushion falls and seam-defying denims.

To an ordinary human, a stinging gluteus reminds one of his own mortality and acknowledges an irrefutable fact that there is only one God and therefore should give up the notion of becoming one if the tragic deliberation ever occurred to him. Not that the notion will ever be dispelled for good. No amount of missteps and multiple assaults on the glutei could purify a blasphemous intent thousands of years in the make. Ask the former choir director of the Pearly Gates, he knows exactly what this is all about.

It all begun with Lucius, Heaven’s Chief Musician and Choir Director. He was Heaven’s most favored creature; gifted with perfect beauty, sculpted physique and splendid voice, he was also the poster child of self-love. There was not one reflective plane in Heaven that was spared from his scrutiny. The pools, the crystals, the silvers, they all told him what he already knew. He was outstandingly beautiful.

As constant beholding of his own image wore on, a disturbing idea sprouted in his mind: he wanted to be God. Thus, each time Lucius saw his own reflection, he indulges in a private worship service.

Naturally, God knew all about this. Not only because He is omnipresent and omniscient but He had likewise seen how His choir director’s absorption in his own beauty took its toll on the choir. Lucius could not focus long enough on the singers without glancing down the crystal podium he was standing on. His beauty had distracted him to the point of dysfunction! Each performance had become so disharmonious that one day, not a single melody could be made out from the cacophony of voices.

The choral debacle had so disappointed the Trinity that they decided to create the world without consulting the choir director. Not that he needed to be consulted. Nevertheless, Lucius felt so strongly of his right to be included in the boardroom decisions. Feeling left out and unappreciated, Lucius attempted a revolt and failed.

God loved him too much to fry his rear-end right there and then. He wanted to give him a chance but the erring choir director refused to concede. Reluctant to carry out immediate verdict on His favorite cherub, God catapulted the ex-choir director thrashing and resisting to Earth along with one-third of the choir members who had unwittingly schemed with Lucius and like him, were too proud to ask for forgiveness.

The landing was not a very smooth one. Lucius was stupefied momentarily at the excruciating pain on his back. Getting up on his feet agonizingly, Lucius rubbed his throbbing rump. He noticed for the first time the twin cushion-like mounds on his behind.

He heard God spoke to him, “ My Dear Lucius, those are your glutei maximi, minimi and profundi. I designed them to save your fall. If only you would acknowledge you have erred, you would have no need of those glutei any more than I would need exiling you to Earth.”

“Glutei, my ass!” Lucius spat out defiantly, limping on the lush grounds of Earth, turning his back on Heaven.

“You know where to find me once you changed your mind.” God’s mournful voice reverberated above him.

“Ass? That’s more like it. These aren’t your glutei maximi, minimi—whatever! This is my ass. My freakin’ Ass!” Lucius was no longer listening to God. He was preoccupied at his supposed spark of genius on creating a new language. Sometimes he still could surprise himself.

Of course, he was presuming too much. Unknown to him, two of God’s newest and highest creatures on Earth had discovered the art of taxonomy. The two recently created beings were naming and classifying all the florae and faunae abounding the whole of Eden, the only inhabited place on Earth.


“what do you think we’ll call those, Adam?” The shorter, more slender of the two bipeds, asked her companion.

Adam ponderously watched a couple of long-eared equine quadrupeds with tufts of coarse spiky mane and funny looking teeth. “they look like the creatures we named Horse but they are not as graceful and intelligent don’t you think, Eve?”

“I definitely agree, dear. Why don’t we call them Ass?” Eve suggested.

“Darling, what would I do without you? I’d never have come up with such an idea!” Adam lovingly cupped Eve’s comely face.

“Aw, honey, it isn’t that hard to figure out!” Eve teasingly countered.

The two bipeds exchanged tender embraces at their stroke of ingenuity. And Lucius thought he was that original.

Just off their residential estate in Eden, there was a tree that God forbade Adam and Eve to ever come near within twenty feet radius. Not only that, they were forbidden to touch the tree or eat its fruits at all cost. It was called the Tree of Knowledge Between Good and Evil. There was not much explanation about the whys and wherefores but it was clear that God wanted absolute compliance.

One may wonder why God had to put that tree in that garden. Everything was so perfect why did that tree have to ruin it? It is not anyone’s place to assume God’s thoughts but probably, He put that tree to test Adam and Eve’s love for Him through their obedience.

As for Lucius, he could no longer fool Heaven and get away with playing God. He was suffering the pangs of intense ennui that even his own images failed to delight him anymore. He wanted revenge and perpetuate his evil purpose. If he could not bring down Heaven, he could ruin God’s Paradise and its inhabitants.

He was getting impatient to execute his scheme. Of course it was not that easy to lure the two humans. They were always together. With two against one, Lucius knew he was at the losing end. Either of the two may possibly weaken at his intimations but he knew that the stronger one would influence the weaker. He had to separate them. There was also a possibility of a strong resistance yet, Lucius knew that with their humanity, they were susceptible to suggestions.
Lucius got his chance when Eve wandered in the Estate by herself.

For a long time, the nagging thought insinuated itself into Eve’s mind; she wanted to see the Tree. She felt uncomfortable thinking about the Tree but she reasoned God only said about not coming near the Tree and eating its fruits. It must be all right to watch it from a distance.

She did not know why but she was not wild about sharing this part of her thoughts with Adam. She did feel discomfited about not sharing. Adam was like an open book to her. That was exactly the problem; knowing Adam too well, she knew what he would think of that. He would downright beg her to dismiss such forbidden contemplations. He would forever keep an eye on her and make sure she would never leave his side. She was suffering from boredom as it was without Adam hovering over her like a mother hen. She was yearning for adventure and space. It may be Paradise but she was not getting her fill of contentment as a person and individual. Eve was experiencing the desperate housewife syndrome.

One day, Adam had a late morning nap. Eve decided to sneak out. She dashed straight to the garden and halted just outside the boundary line of the forbidden Tree. The daring escapade filled her with a mixture of trepidation and exhilaration that she just stood a good distance from the Tree, amazed.

“Well, well, what have we got here?” A husky voice drawled enticingly somewhere in the garden.

Eve frantically looked around her. She did not see anybody. Just the Tree. Far up, she could not make out much but of course just the usual tree with fruits. What was so special about it, anyway? it was just an ordinary looking tree.

“Baby, over here!” The voice called again.

“I can’t see you? Where are you? Who are you?” Eve shouted, getting more alarmed now. She was worried what would Adam say if he’d find out.

“I’m right here, on the tree!”

Eve finally caught a glimpse of the voice’s owner. She gasped. There was Lucius in his favorite get-up: a boa-cobra hybrid with bat’s wings. He would have wanted to flaunt his sculpted rear-end but seducing Eve sexually was not his main intent. She did not turn him on. Only Lucius could turn Lucius on.

Eve, in her awe and astonishment, had walked beyond the boundary line and approached the tree. She marveled at the quaint but beautiful creature. She had never seen anything like it before. It was munching the fruit. That horrified her.

“What? Have I grown another head?” Lucius queried mockingly. He knew precisely why Eve looked so appalled. She was afraid what the fruit might do to him. “Want some, babe?”

“Do I look like an infant to you?” Eve snapped at him in indignation.

“Absolutely not. With great ass like that, I’d hardly think of you as an infant.” Lucius winked at her and chuckled seductively. Well, he invented the word ‘baby’ as a dubious endearment for creatures like Eve. He was annoyed to discover that Eve had already used it as an alternative term for an infant! Bummer!

Again Eve was aggravated at his allusion of her as a donkey. Before she could voice another protest, Lucius tossed her a fruit. Eve shrieked and evaded the fruit. It smashed on the ground.

“What is the matter with you, lady? I took pains plucking that one out. Can you see any hands here? Nada! The least you could have done was to catch it!” Lucius huffed in practiced consternation.

“I’m not supposed to touch or eat it, Snake—Bat --whatever you are!”

“You may call me Lucius. Who told you that?” crunch, crunch, crunch.

“God! Our Daddy!”

“Did He really? So tricky of Him, don’t you think?” crunch, crunch, crunch.

“He said we’ll die if we eat it.”

“Do I look like dead to you?” The creature called Lucius flapped his batwings.

“No, but God said—“

“Screw it. You know what this fruit is? This what makes you God. Once you taste this, you will have the power to make up your own mind and choose your own destiny, as well as others’. God doesn’t want that because He knew you would be like Him.”

Eve could not speak a word. She stared at the creature in extreme confusion. God said they would die if they ate the fruit but why did this creature remain alive? Taking on the fruit cores littering the ground, Eve could see the creature had consumed considerable amount of the fruit. This conveyed a shadow of doubt into Eve’s mind. Could it be that God lied to them? The connotation so distressed her that she dismissed such awful thoughts on the Being she called her Father. No, Daddy would never lie. He loves us. He wanted the best for us. He wanted to protect us. She told the creature so.

“My dear, dear Eve, you swallowed all that? tsk, tsk. I have always thought you were this smart, level-headed woman who knows what she wants, who has the knack to recognize what and who she’s dealing with. You are not keen enough to see through Daddy, I see. You disappoint me.” Lucius sniveled in a mock-wrenching voice. “I am your greatest admirer, don’t you know that? Well, I was.”

“You- you admired me?”

“Of course! I’ve been following your career in Eden society and I thought this woman is so in-charge of herself, there’s a lot going on for her. But she is bound by her fears for her Daddy, her man, she never allowed herself to grow.”

“You really think so?” Eve had never heard anybody praised her like that. Not that there were more than three of them interacting before Lucius came. There were the angels but they did not say much. Just passed on messages from their Daddy.

The adulation fed her subconscious longing to be appreciated. There was Adam, he was very expressive but there was nobody beside herself he could turn his attention to. What if there was another one like her, would he still be that attentive?

“That was then but not anymore. I am disillusioned. At least now, I don’t have to waste my time fantasizing about you, compiling visuals—your visuals, by the way. It’s high time that I set my sights else where, maybe find a girl I can call my own, start a family. You know-- the works.” Lucius’ tone took on a pensive wistfulness in it.

“You’ve been stalking me? Lucius, how could you!” Eve was freaked but curiously flattered.

“Well, I’m not a psycho if that’s what you mean. I just admired you from a distance. Now leave and let me have my meal in peace. We don’t want Adam conjuring up funny ideas.” Crunch, crunch, crunch.

Eve nodded thoughtfully, disappointed, yet reluctant to walk away. A voice in her head exhorted her to run and never to turn back but a part in her compelled her to stand her ground. There was something about Lucius that seemed so appealing and irresistible. He was mocking, even a little nasty but she could sense a vulnerability that belied the bad creature image. She knew she would miss him once he was out of sight. She did not want to end her conversation with Lucius. Not just yet.

Unlike God, Lucius could not read the mind of others. However with constant observation of the two humans, he learned to see through their behavior and facial expressions. The slightest flicker of a facial appendage provided a telling interpretation more accurate than spoken words. Eve had been his lab specimen since the day he was forced to migrate Earth, he knew her like the palm of his hand. He was also certain that in no time Eve would succumb to his invitation.

“What are you standing there for? Go!” Lucius rasped out at her.

“Lucius, Do you live around here? can I see you again?” Eve could not restrain herself from asking.

“If you’re asking me for a date—don’t even think about it. I’m going away to turn over a new leaf. Unrequited affection is a little tough to handle. Well, we could consider this our first and last dinner date if only you would agree to have a meal with me, to which the idea seems to abhor you so exceedingly. And I thought I was irresistible.” Lucius added in self-mockery which merely enthralled Eve the more.

She giggled. Lucius was really funny and charming. “No, no, not a date. I have a husband and I love him.”

She almost forgot she got one. Being reminded that she had a husband was not a very welcoming thought. But she loved Adam! No doubt about that. It was just Lucius had cast a spell on her and she could not think straight.

“I’ll miss you, Lucius. But I can’t have dinner with you now. I just can’t eat that fruit. I have to consult Adam first.”

“Suits me just fine. But you can’t surely tell Adam about this meeting. He’ll be eaten up with jealousy.”

“Nothing happened!” Eve protested.

“Duh. You just set foot on forbidden grounds. Why start trouble when he doesn’t have to know about it? My fangs are sealed. Promise.”

Eve considered Lucius’ advise. “You’re right. Adam doesn’t have to know. By the way, what kind of creature are you? How did you learn to talk? All the animals I’ve encountered so far could not talk our language and they don’t think as we do.”

“Now you’re thinking. I am so shocked! Where do you think I got my speech lessons from-- a parrot? I was once like you Eve, a human. God made me and yes, He warned me about this tree. But I did not listen. He disowned me. I never regretted my decision because you know what? This fruit made me everything I wanted to be.” And Lucius transformed himself into his original form.

In place of the snake-bat hybrid was the most handsome being Eve had ever seen. She staggered back, overwhelmed at the sight.

“Voila! So you believe me now?” Lucius had climbed down the tree and faced Eve.

Eve was lost in his splendid beauty. She could not speak. She kept on staring.

“Hello, anybody home?” Lucius waved a hand before Eve’s face.

“You- you are Lucius?” She asked breathlessly.

“In the flesh.” He replied flippantly, smiling his most radiant smile, but he was getting impatient to accomplish his mission.

“Why the snake-bat? How did you do it?”

“It was my favorite Halloween costume. It’s the fruit. It could turn me into anything I wished to be.”

“So it is true, everything you told me--- about the fruit.” Eve felt there was no reason now to question Lucius’ credibility. He was right there before her, so beautiful and godlike.

“Why would I ever lie to you? I only wanted you to be happy, Eve. Your happiness is my happiness, that’s how much you mean to me.” Lucius touched Eve’s face. Eve had long fallen into the pit of temptation. There was no turning back. “How about some snack?” Lucius shot her his most winning smile.

“Yes, please.” Was Eve’s dazed reply.

And we knew the rest. Man had fallen.

After a most painful blow on their glutei with an irreversible sentence of mortality in tow, Adam and Eve made sure that the coming generations would not have to be duped by such an accomplished con artist. They also learned that to wish to be God or pretend to be God was a transgression of utmost gravity. They made sure these painful lessons would be passed on from one generation to another.

In Eden, God had introduced a most fulfilling experience between husband and wife. Since the Fall, this ecstatic event was met with mixed anticipation. It meant creating a life inside the woman which would eventually conclude by expulsion of this life into the outside world. It was called childbirth.

Even in the ancient times, childbirth was a most agonizing experience but it could not be helped. The body and the mind were devised to coordinate soundly not only to meet physiologic needs. It was also primarily for the purpose of culminating the union of two biological halves for life to continue on Earth.

This became a cycle of good turn-bad turn throughout the ages. If there was rejoicing in birth, there was also grief in death. If there was a season of sound health, there was a season of illness as well and so on. What was consoling though was the fact that no period of event would outlast itself. There would always be a reversal of fortune, good or bad.

As for Lucius, he did not care for any of that. It was simply the order of things since the Fall. He had long discarded his laurels to the Euphrates River. To think he was the genius who started the dreadful domino effect on the whole human race but that no longer generated triumph in him. In fact just the thought of it bored him.

From the start Lucius was inclined to tedium. That must be why he started formulating unhealthy ideas in Heaven; he was mightily bored. Ever wonder why this proverb, “an idle mind is the workshop of the devil” lived on? Because the wise King Solomon had recognized that a static mind could think up the most sinister concept ever known to man. Lucius had used this tactic for thousand of years. After all he had experimented it on himself.

An idle mind was easy prey to Lucius that it completely took out the challenge. How everything was so easy for Lucius, even the ones who worshipped his former Boss in Heaven. He could not even call it thwarting God because humans were just so tended to evil doing.

Good was good, evil was evil—everything was so obvious. He wanted something insidious, something that spelled noble intent and yet, disposed to swerve to a darker path. He sought for this novelty to merge with his signature malevolence so subtly executed that even the perpetrator would not even realize he was committing it. He wanted it to happen to an intelligent, decent, upright being who was not afraid to go beyond the boundaries of unrealized possibilities. Now that was a challenge Lucius was looking for. A challenge so innovative that Lucius himself could not figure out how, what, and who to commence it with.

In the mean time he would sit idly and let his team members do the tedious task of swindling humans. Can’t life get any more exciting? Lucius mused restlessly, suppressing the umpteenth yawn.

Back then, Lucius was invited to attend major conferences in Heaven. This was probably God’s way of showing Lucius he still had a chance to assume his former place if he so decided to reform. These personal meetings in Heaven were doubtlessly God’s machination to refresh Lucius on what he was missing on Earth. He loved Lucius so that He continued on His crusade to lure him back despite its futility.

In one of these conferences, God presented his plan to the Heavenly beings and one Earthly guest. There were so much strife and diseases overcoming Earth, God informed them, that He decided to create a new profession in the career-laden world of humans. This profession would deal with diseases and everything that revolved around them. It would even attempt to heal an ill-stricken psyche.

The one who practiced this profession would mainly possess a well-endowed mind since studying the human body and its functions would be an exigent process. He had designed the human body in such a manner that no mortal would fully understand or likewise emulate its structures and functions artificially in all its intricacies. Yes, there would be attempts, He foresaw that, nonetheless it would not be as functional. There would even be serious consequences at such attempts but that was beside the point, God further informed them, He merely needed to lessen the sufferings of the human race through these group of professionals.

“These selected humans, through knowledge, will be empowered to hold a life in his hand.” God said.

“Does that mean that you will leave humanity’s fate into the hands of these mortals, Lord?” One heavenly being inquired.

“Let me remind you that I may hold men’s destiny but I don’t steer them. These mortals, like any other humans, are endowed with the power of choice. However, I must say that theirs would be more complex with serious moral responsibilities attached to it. Their mental gifts will help them balance critical decisions they may have to face. And yes, in some way and with my permission, they will have influence on the course of human existence. But mainly, their responsibility is to heal and alleviate human suffering.” God had to put emphasis on that. “Any more questions?”

Lucius raised his hand. He had had been listening with interest at the rear part of the conference hall. He could feel his mind racing with newfound fervor.

“Yes, Lucius?” God need not have asked Lucius. He knew of his thoughts before Lucius himself could put a finger on them.

“When will you start deploying these privileged mortals, Lord, if it’s not too much to ask?” Lucius enunciated his question in his blasé manner but inside him he was quivering with excitement.

“Heaven is gradually planting seeds of discoveries in these mortals’ minds as we speak.” God replied.

“And how will you call these privileged mortals, Lord?” Lucius pressed on.

God was not too happy to see Lucius’ eyes glinting with diabolic implication.

“Physicians. These privileged humans will be called physicians.”

For Lucius it was the ultimate challenge. He knew God read his thoughts but that was the least of his worries. All he cared about was this surge of ominous pleasure electrifying his system. At that moment, he had a most satisfying feeling; he felt he would never be bored again for a long time.