THE GREAT FRIENDSHIP DILEMMA

The other night, I was burning the lines with my best friend who lives in another city. She just broke off with her boyfriend and was needing a sympathetic ear to share her woes. As customary, we laughed every now and then. Let’s say humor is a salient part of our friendship that we may be contemplating suicide but we could always afford to laugh a real kind of laugh.

“Grey, I missed two periods.” Raine suddenly said. “I’m worried. I’ve always been regular.”

“You were not using any contraceptives?” I asked her.

“Well, sometimes. But those things just occurred spontaneously.” She said it a little too sheepishly.
“Oh, and you were too horny to remember protecting yourself. It’s like you’re a big fan of lesbian sex!” I was a little sarcastic.

“I know, I know, I’m such a stupid loser!” She wailed.

“Let’s not expound on that. So when was the first day of your last menstruation? Your last sex with the AH?

“I had my last period on the 23rd of April and my last sex with him was a week ago.”

After gathering sufficient information of her sexual practices, frequency and monthly menses, her recent well-being like if she had morning or late afternoon sickness, peculiar cravings for a certain food, bodily changes, etc. it was difficult to ascertain if her listlessness was due to early symptom of pregnancy since she just recovered from a viral infection. I told her I could not say she was one hundred percent toast but the odds were somewhat against her.

“What about a test kit? You could get it over the counter.” I suggested.

“I’m scared what I’ll find out.”

“Please!” I moaned.

“I know, I know, you could always count on your best friend when it comes to stupidity.” She whimpered.

“Don’t put words into my mouth. Get that kit and check if it’s positive.”

“Grey, what will I do if it’s positive? I can’t go through with this if it happens to be positive.” She wailed again.

“You’re not sure yet.”

“What if it is? Jamie is starting kindergarten, my brother is in college, my father needs his heart medications and my mom will kill me! It will be too much for everyone. What will people think? That I’m a baby factory? I can’t walk around with this!”

I listened to Raine, bemused. It was not hard to understand what she was getting at. She wanted an abortion. I was inwardly perturbed. Except for a couple of friends who had abortions while I was still in college, I did not have another brush with the issue directly involving somebody close to me until Raine.

Unless it is a matter of life and death, abortion is not considered legal in my place. Even if it is legal and without medical/genetic indication, I just found out during my talk with Raine I do not personally condone abortion. Where before my stand was more of a noncommittal bystander, now I am more definite: I do not advocate abortion. However, if one should decide to do it, I am not the one to point a finger at her. It is just a personal opinion and not a global crusade.

I do not believe that one mistake should be followed by a far more serious mistake. Every unborn baby should have a chance to be brought into the world. If difficult questions should arise whether it would be less evil to raise unwanted children or voluntarily suppressing a growing life inside one’s own it is beyond me to say.

But do we have the right to take another life? What are the odds of an unprecedented pregnancy? Why does one have to participate in unprotected sex knowing of the risks involve? Is it just plain carelessness? Should lives be sacrificed just because one badly needed a lay and could not care less if she is protected or not? I am not a prudent person. It is beyond me to supply the proper answers. And yet, in everything we do we must be mindful of the risks we indulge in. We must not involve innocent souls.

It isn’t like Raine is a helpless teen-ager. She is a smart, thirty-year-old woman working as a consultant in a large corporation. We have been best friends for seventeen years and this sticky situation she was in was just one of too many dubious decision-makings when it comes to relationships. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t judge Raine. I love and accept her no matter who and what she is the same way she loves and accepts me for who and what I am. It is just, she is the worst judge of character when it comes to men.

Raine felt she had too much to lose if she would get on with the pregnancy. She has a five-year-old son from a past oversight (we had a 3-year silence in our friendship because I was too blunt with my views on messing with married men and I was too busy with medical school to do something about it); she has a high-paying job which would be compromised with a pregnancy. Other than that her whole family depends on her: rent, food, college tuition, medications, etc. it is wholly understandable why Raine was dreading the possibility of a pregnancy and would not hesitate terminating it. She has the world on her shoulder.

I am the type of person who does not hesitate to speak her own mind and stand up to what she believes in but I’m never the one to push. I don’t insist on my beliefs and opinions to anybody even if she’s my best friend. I believe that everyone is entitled to make up her own mind and knowing Raine, even if I try to influence her through hypnosis, she would never be swayed once she sets her mind onto something or someone. Aren’t we all guilty of that?

“Grey, what should I do?”

“Do what you think is best for you.” I told her.

“So it’s okay with you?”

“As though my opinion matters! Raine, you’re old enough to decide on your own. You know me too well to insist on my say on the issue as well as I know you well enough to believe you would ever consider a single thing I say to you.”

“Am I really that pigheaded? You’re right. You know I really have no choice. So, you’re going to prescribe the medications to take care of this?”

“No. I can’t help you with that. I won’t even advise it either. It’s not safe. You have to go to a gynecologist who will be willing to do D&C on you. Remember it’s illegal and the willing ones are either literally butchers or doctors who go for shady deals but at least you’ll be safe.” I felt unreal telling her that.

Raine asked me if I knew a doctor who would be willing to perform abortion. I told her I didn’t really know any doctor who would want to do that. She said she knew somebody who had several abortions without complications. She would see her and ask for referral. I told her to be careful.

“Grey, please pray for me.” She begged.

“Yeah, I’ll pray for you.” I felt quaint talking about abortion and praying about it. I was reminded of watching a secret lover piously leading church programs on the pulpit while exchanging unholy glances with me across the church pews. It felt strange.

After I hung up the phone, I suddenly felt drained. I am never the strait-laced, conventional moralist. In fact I am generally what anybody would call a non-conformist. Yet, I did not understand but I really felt I was making a very terrible mistake. I realized I should have spoken what I felt about the issue. Even persuade her just for once. I could not help wondering if I had been more insistent and assertive with her in the past would have I shielded her from serious consequences?

Inside my room, I did a most peculiar thing. I got down on my knees.